N ot a m e m b e r ? J o i n at a s so c iate d h a i rp rofe s sio n a ls .c o m 63
What word made this inner dialogue so
frustrating? If you guessed that the culprit was but,
you guessed correctly. Each time the thoughts in
this inner dialogue began to move forward with the
addition of new data, but shifted the thoughts back
to the starting line. How did but accomplish that
unfortunate feat? But deletes whatever came before.
But deletes whatever came before
This little word has a lot of power. However,
notice what happens if you shift from but to
and, or better yet to and at the same time.
"I'd like to go to the mountains this weekend . . . And at the
same time, there's no way I can do that with my apartment
needing to get cleaned . . . Maybe I can clean it up after work
on Monday . . . Yes, and at the same time, I know I'll be too
tired to tackle it then . . . And it does look like this weekend's
weather will be beautiful, perfect for hiking. I know! I'll skip
cleaning the apartment this weekend. I can live with some
mess for a week. Then next weekend I'll do an extra-thorough
cleaning. Maybe I'll ask a friend to come over to help. We
could clean my house together and then switch to cleaning
his place, and maybe drink a beer and put on music."
The impacts of but versus and
or and at the same time
Within your thoughts, but creates tension. With and
you are adding data; that is, you are doing addition.
Each time you respond to a prior idea with and or and
at the same time, you are augmenting the information
in your database. When you link ideas with and, each
additional piece of information propels your thinking
forward, expanding your database and inching your
thoughts ever closer toward a creative solution.
In discussions between people, the little
linking words but versus and also matter. And or
and at the same time sustain positive feelings. But
versus and determine whether you will emerge
from a problem-solving discussion feeling anxious
or feeling relieved, satisfied, and happy.
Three Steps to Alleviate Anxiety
1. List each concern that comes
to your mind when you focus on
your anxious feeling.
2. Circle back through the list to
gather information regarding
each specific concern.
3. Create solution options.
Looking for mindfulness exercises? I recommend How
to Wake Up by Toni Bernhard. Bernhard is a former law
professor who contracted an intermittently painful chronic
illness. Buddhist mindfulness concepts and techniques
helped her "wake up" to ever-increasing awareness.
